


Just Once

by theemdash



Series: Five Kisses Across Time [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: (just in terms of addressing the canonical relationship), Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Pining, Promises, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24147898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theemdash/pseuds/theemdash
Summary: Steve's used to his squad's lack of sleeping habits, but it's still a surprise when Bucky slips out of the shadows and sits next to Steve. It's even more of a surprise when Bucky kisses him. (This summary does not sound as angsty as this fic is.)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Five Kisses Across Time [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741873
Comments: 17
Kudos: 104





	Just Once

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a response to Get Your Words Out 2020 Yahtzee; **Prompt:** Warm
> 
> Thanks to [sopdetly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sopdetly/) for betaing and for permitting me to hurt her heart.

**1944**

"Hey." Bucky's quiet voice cuts through the tranquil night noise. Somehow he avoids snapping any twigs between the ring of tents and the campfire, but Steve heard the tent flap shift, figured someone might visit or try to relieve him, so he's not surprised to hear a voice coming from the dark. 

He's a little surprised it's Bucky, though.

"Don't you need sleep?" Steve shifts on the log, making room for Bucky to settle beside him. He's not wearing a jacket.

Bucky shakes his head, mouth bunched up in that frown he's been wearing since Azzano. The light from the fire tints his skin orange, coloring the deathly pallor that's been dogging him. Steve hoped the long march today would help Bucky sleep through the night. He can't remember the last time Bucky got a solid six hours.

"You cold?" He doesn't wait for a response, just puts his arm around Bucky, just like Bucky used to do for him. Thankfully Bucky doesn't respond the way Steve used to, shoving away the comfort and freezing out of stubbornness; he must really be in rough shape.

Bucky sighs and presses closer to Steve, letting Steve slide his hand down Bucky's shoulder and rub his arm. Steve resists the urge to lean his cheek against Bucky's head, tucking that desire into the quiet place that remembers long afternoons sketching the lean lines of Bucky's back, while Bucky sat around in his undershirt with his pant legs rolled.

"You're warm." Bucky's voice cracks between a whisper and his usual honeyed rumble. "Maybe if you'd been in the tent I could have stayed asleep."

Steve chuckles softly. "You miss sleeping next to me?"

He means it as a joke, the self-deprecating kind that hides every shred of his longing, but Bucky's broken "yes" twists everything inside Steve. 

"Buck," he whispers just as Bucky turns under his arm. Bucky's hand cups Steve's jaw, gentle pressure angling his face before Bucky's chapped lips tentatively brush and then press against Steve's hopeful mouth.

Steve closes his eyes, inhaling deeply. Smoke, pine, and sweat gather in his senses, linking all those things to this moment, to the shiver that runs under Steve's hand, to Bucky's skin against his, to his own mouth gasping open and praying Bucky takes the hint.

The touch of Bucky's tongue to Steve's lip is electricity through his veins, a brighter burn than vita rays, and so much more life-altering.

He pulls Bucky closer, hand moving up to his neck, fingertips skimming his throat as the kiss deepens. How many times has he thought about kissing Bucky? How many times has he sketched Bucky's face only to ruin the drawing by smudging the pencil lines at his lips with greedy fingers? He's wanted this since he learned about kissing, but there's something in Bucky's kiss that tastes like regret, like this isn't the best thing that's ever happened to him.

Bucky's hand traces down Steve's throat, fingers landing on the star across his chest. He sighs, lower lip pulling away from Steve.

"Just once," he whispers against Steve's lips. "I know you've got Carter's picture in your compass. Know she means something to you. But I wanted to do that just once…" He trails off, but before he can pull away, Steve tightens his hand on Bucky's shoulder. 

"Why just once?" The question is so precarious the wind almost catches it and takes it away, but Bucky shudders in his arms, and Steve knows he heard it.

Bucky takes a deep breath, lets it out, and taps his fingers on the star. Not really an answer, certainly not a good one considering everything Steve feels, but he doesn't ask the question again because he knows all the reasons Bucky can list. Some of them have been running through his head since he was fourteen and realized the way he looked at Bucky was like the way other boys looked at girls. But there's more reasons now: being on the frontline, being Captain America, and yes, the feelings Steve has for Peggy. But he has more pictures of Bucky than he'll ever have of anyone else.

"Not just once," Steve whispers. "Please." He swallows thickly, and kisses Bucky again, an anxious, cautious kiss that shows his inexperience.

"Steve." The word is broken and hollow in ways Steve understands in his core. It's the quiet closure of a coffin, the last breath leaving labored lungs, a straight back in a crisp uniform walking away.

But Steve knows kissing Bucky is none of those things. It's laughter as sticky ice cream melts over fingers, a cool breeze floating in through an open window, the sun sinking behind the horizon leaving an untouchable pink-stained sky that can be remembered and cherished.

He kisses Bucky again, ignoring his fear and inexperience, and presses firmly against the man he loves. Bucky's fingers knot at Steve's collar, tugging him in, holding him close, holding on as tightly as Steve holds him. It won't last, they both know it, too much is stacked against them, and even though Steve will fight for Bucky, he can't fight the whole world. But as they kiss, they promise: not just once. 

Not just once. 

_Not just once._

**Author's Note:**

> The fics in this series can be read stand-alone, but there is an emotional arc across all five stories.


End file.
